I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Church boner. Awkwardddd
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
