I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
