I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
