but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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