Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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