I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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