i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
So much Jack, so little girl.
How does one acquire holy water?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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