well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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