Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Randomize
