Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
