It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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