I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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