He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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