I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
