i just google imaged poop.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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