I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
