I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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