honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
