apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
