Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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