I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
