That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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