You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
