She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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