in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
