clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I can't put those talents on a resume
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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