This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
