and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
