Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Randomize
