Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
