are you still at the devil's house?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
