So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
