OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize