Kiss
Puke
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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