I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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