Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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