Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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