so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
