Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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