So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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