PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
