I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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