marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i can't believe i had my finger in that
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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