Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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