Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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