my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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