im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
