She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We were destined to go to rehab together
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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