Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
