He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
