haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Do vagina's smell?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
