there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
ok first of all what the fuck
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
