I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
