I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
