I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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