I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
