he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
