fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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