you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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