I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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