hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
