Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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