Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
