I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
