I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
he thought i was a dude.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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