I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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