You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
