i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
