my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
My liver just had a heart attack.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
