actually, I'm a sock model
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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