Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize
