never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
