my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
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